I am one of the few people I know who really has everything going for them when it comes to being a person. I am intelligent. I am good with people. And in all honesty, I am capable of doing whatever I want. But for some reason, I have no concrete support system. I don't ask people for help. I don't depend on other people to do anything for me because I do it myself. The most I've asked people for lately is to just listen to me bitch for a few minutes and then be done with it. I have had every reason this year to ask for help. I have had every reason this year to stop everything I'm doing and take care of me, but I haven't. I've been balancing everything I need to do with everything I should be doing. Unfortunately, everything is sort of caving in on me now so I can't ignore the fact that I have nothing.
I don't have anyone here to help.
My family doesn't even help me for Christ's sake.
Where does this leave me? It leaves me angry. It leaves me crying. It leaves me convincing myself that getting in my car and disappearing is not a good idea because (let's be real) it sounds like a damn good idea to me. And just for the record, I do not want to hear the usual "i care about you"'s and the "i worry about you"'s and I ESPECIALLY don't want to hear the "let me help you"'s because I do not fall for that shit. People say what they think they should and that's why things go wrong.
So, to keep myself from furthering this bitch fit, I am just going so send a big FUCK YOU out to the world.
FUCK YOU.
I wont say all the shit you don't want to say because honestly, I can't say it sincerely. What I can say is that it's just one of those things that if you need, you have to admit to needing to receive it, know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteI am not like you in this sense in the least bit. I wish I were a little more, sometimes. It's a dependancy thing, maybe? Not sure...
What I'm getting at is that if something is bothering me and I feel someone is a good enough person to 1) simply listen, 2) not be judgmental and 3) not gossip chances are very likely that I will blab to my hearts content until I feel better about myself.
Yes, there is that moment of weight being lifted off your shoulders that is spectacular when you share a piece of yourself with a fellow human being, but 99.9% of the time I regret saying anything at all for about a minute then shrug it off.
Lately though I've been running into a lot more gossipers and judgey folks so I just glare in their general direction and take a step away from them (in life) and keep my mouth shut.
Sometimes people help. Oftentimes, they're disappointing.
Btw, even leaving the country didn't help me run away from my problems, motherfuckers put me on antidepressants but that's another story.