the bees the bees the bees the bees

My best friend was stung by a bee for the first time yesterday and found out she's allergic. It struck me as odd that someone could go 21 years without ever being aware of such a life threatening allergy, let alone without getting stung by a bee. I mean hell, I've been stung by bees three times in a matter of a week. They've molested me on my legs, my arms, my back and even on my fingers (though my first encounter with those pokey little bastards was when I was really young; I decided the best way to kill a bee was to sit on it. Needless to say I ended up bent over a foot rest with my ass out so my grandmother could right my wrong). Funny thing is the way I'm talking about bees makes me sound like I dislike them. I don't though; I find them rather intriguing and have decided to share what I know about bees with the rest of the world (I apologize in advance for anything that might be incorrect; it's 2:30 in the morning. Bear with me.). ENJOY!

You know that awesome haiku from Fight Club? In case you don't it reads like this:

"worker bees can leave

even drones can fly away

the queen is their slave"

Now, not only is the haiku in perfect syllabic form it's actually pretty accurate. I mean, hypothetically speaking worker bees can leave and drones can fly away (the worker bees pollinate and bring home the bacon while drones impregnate the queen and then die) but the queen really is essentially a slave in the bee world. Her only purpose is to procreate with bees that sound inferior and unworthy of her. It's really quite funny too that the term "Queen Bee" functions in our society as a term for a female in a position of power. In fact Urban Dictionary defines a queen bee as "A female that continuously strives in treating others in a condescending manner regardless of gender." (and, despite grammatical errors, we know that's an accurate definition because the internet would never lie to us).

Anyway, on to other things ("other things" here meaning the sexual habits of bees). Yes, I want to tell you about bees and their sex lives. However, instead of typing everything out, I'm going to introduce you to one of the most outlandish but surprisingly educational videos to grace the internet.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Queens and Drones! I present to you...Green Porno.

And now, because I've realized it's 3am, I leave you with a song that I quite like; Bees by Animal Collective.